24 May

John Wick

“People keep asking if I’m back, and I haven’t really had an answer. But now, yeah, I’m thinkin’ I’m back.”

– John Wick

We’re big fans of John Wick, the unsuspecting movie of action perfection, and have been looking forward to the release of John Wick 3: Parabellum for quite some time now. As a sign of respect for The Boogeyman himself, we set out to make the bloodiest dishes possible that also have the respect and presence of an establishment like The Continental.

We started off with roasted-salsa-stuffed jalapeño poppers, wrapped in a thick cut of bacon. Like the start of the movie, the heat creeps up on you and before you know it OH MY GOD THERE’S BLOOD EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE IS DEAD.

Speaking of blood, we followed the poppers up with a chicken breast that oozed a combination of roasted red peppers and roasted garlic, dragged across the plate leaving behind a reduction of the juices that dripped out of it while cooking. And as you can see, the few little garlic cloves sticking out provide a certain grisly aspect that is undeniably delicious. But we both know that garlic doesn’t keep Babayaga away.

If you haven’t watched John Wick, you’re probably really confused right now. Get out there and educate yourself about the world’s greatest assassin, unless you don’t like violent movies. If you don’t like violent movies, we guess you should stay away. You probably shouldn’t even keep reading because it’s about to get gory up in here.

Last warning. The following images may be disturbing for some audiences.

Okay, we tried to warn you. For the rest of you sickos, take a look at these BLOODY DONUTS. It’s like someone SHOT THEM with machine-like accuracy. and they just bled strawberry jam all over the place. We needed to call in Charlie, the cleaner, to clean it all up. They also tasted really good, but that’s neither here nor there.

For the drink, we made a little number called Get Lucky, a rum-style tiki drink where you start with some muddled blackberries in the bottom, pour a mixture of rum, lemon, and ginger syrup over ice, and add a couple of dashes of Angostura bitters floating on the surface. We thought this was reminiscent of the blood on the water during the famous sauna scene and made sure to capture the distinct red and blue lighting of the movie.

The donuts still heavy in our stomach, we sat down to watch John Wick and we’re here to say, this movie is good, fam. The action is just incredible, especially once you realize Keanu Reeves does all of his own stunt work (we are not worthy of you, Keanu). And the stunts here aren’t jumping off a building or something, it’s tightly choreographed hand-to-hand combat that can stretch on for minutes with some light gunplay. The amount of memorization that must go into these scenes is astounding. It’s bloody without being too gory and violent without being too sadistic. Given the frequency of, and perhaps fantasy-like element of the entire experience, it is easy to accept the deaths of those are are clearly labeled “BAD GUY.” The camera isn’t playing any tricks on you either: one thing we really appreciated about the movie was how the camera held steady for extended fight scenes, without a bunch of cuts or shakiness to simulate action while simultaneously hiding the low-quality of the stunts themselves. John Wick confidently puts itself on display, with nothing to hide. We can’t recommend it enough.

The reviews:

Andre: #1 with a bullet. I know that makes it sound like this is my favorite movie of all time, which isn’t true, but I thought it was a really good title. Do you know what else is really good? John Wick, y’all. It may not be GOAT, but it’s definitely Outstanding in its Field when it comes to physicality. Keanu put in work for this movie, and it shows.

Leanna: I just want to immerse myself in this world. I love stories that create a world similar to our own but with a few different rules. For example, one of the reasons why I love the Fast and Furious franchise is because it’s modern day, real life, but car racing is treated like a currency. It is never fully explained, but it drives the characters, plot, and economy in an interesting and unexpected way. John Wick does that with assassins. I would watch a whole documentary just on the inner workings of The Continental or the origin of the gold coin currency used in this world. It’s a fantastic film, and I can’t wait for more of them because all I want is more insight into this world.

Ben: 98%. While often a movie will improve upon a second movie, John Wick is one of those that just continues to be spectacular with each viewing. It is nearly a perfect movie with its relatively straight-forward plot that tells you exactly what is going to happen and then proceeds to still impress you throughout the entire process. Add on to that a clear cinematic and visual perspective, and John Wick is one of the most inventive and satisfying movies in recent memory. The John Wick series is comfort food of the highest degree, and this first entry is the reason why. Now I just am waiting so that others see John Wick 3: Parabellum, and I can talk to them about it!